bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
