U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
