vagina is talking i cant
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
