Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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