I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
