dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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