apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
