jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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