I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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