Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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