If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
where are my eyebrows?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
