The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
