i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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