sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
