You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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