Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
