careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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