So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
