also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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