My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
