I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
