alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I will be naked everywhere
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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