Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
