Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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