now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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