Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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