Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she looked like the before picture.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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