So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
