Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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