The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
