At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
