Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
