I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
