When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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