You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
