You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ugly people sure do ruin things
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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