Whod you bang
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just cropdusted the office
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize