I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
