I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
