i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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