I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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