literally had 100 drinks last night.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
