Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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