Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
