I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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