I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
