So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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