I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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