She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
