The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
