i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
