I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
