Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
wow bdsm is so cute
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