Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
