Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
