You can't special order awesome
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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