Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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