How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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