So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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