proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
