I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize