he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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