You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
