With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
