You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
