If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
