I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
